Compromising Situations
by Mizuki Ishida
Summary: Following different characters from the series in weird situations. Chapter quality is rather bad in spots, sorry…
1. Hiei and Jin

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho; I'm not talented enough to have made something that good. And I wouldn't be here writing crazy stories now, would I? The craptacular poem (if it can be called that) in part two is mine though.  
  
Warnings: OOCness, but that's the whole basis of the story. Also some shounen ai H+K+H ^_^  
  
A/N: This is what happens when you've inhaled too many hair dye fumes and drunk a bit too much pink lemonade.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Part 1 – Hiei  
  
"Why do I have to get up so inhumanly early for school?" Yusuke yawned hugely for the millionth time this morning. He knew if he skipped school today Keiko would have a fit and he'd spend the rest of the week with a big red handprint on his face. Passing a large windowed storefront, Yusuke looked over...and promptly fell flat on his face. It took a moment for him to get over the severe shock to his system and pull himself off the ground. The Spirit Detective pressed his face against the glass to get a better look. Yup, he wasn't going insane and he'd seen exactly what he thought he'd seen. Hiei was inside. Dressed in his usual black attire and lounging in a chair. There were little bits of foil in his hair, right up in front where his white 'star burst' was. Yusuke snickered, 'So it isn't natural!' He also noticed the miniscule fire demons hands were being massaged and manicured by a rather pleasant looking older woman. He wondered if she really knew what was seated in the chair. 'Should I or shouldn't I?' Yusuke pondered. But then, he didn't want to die a premature death either. Anyway, it would be so much more fun to tell everyone about it.  
  
Part 2 – Jin  
  
Hiei grumbled darkly as he flitted from one roof to another. Damn Yusuke, he was going to die a painfully slow death. At least that was his plan, but so far Kurama had managed to 'talk' him out of it every time he even thought of bringing up the subject or acting on it. Hiei grumbled some more when he stopped on the roof of a small coffee shop. You could smell the caffeine in the air. Hiei decided to go in and grab a chocolate brownie frappachino. Yum. He patted a pocket, checking to see if he had any money. Satisfied with the lump in his pocket (no dirty thoughts now children!) he left the roof and entered the shop. Getting into the ridiculously long line, Hiei looked around. Several of the humans were seated around a small platform. Some kind of stage or something, he guessed. A mopy, gaunt looking girl was going on about how life was like a dead flower or some such thing. Boring. The line moved forward a whole six inches. Hiei began to wonder if it was worth it. He breathed in the coffee laden air. Yeah, it was worth it. The depressing girl finally left the platform and was replaced by...someone very familiar. 'Jin?!?' Hiei's jaw would have dropped in surprise at the sight of the Wind Master if he weren't so in control of his expressions. Jin's hair was still red as could be, his blue eyes still sparkled merrily, but he was dressed entirely in black. After reaching the stage the red headed shinobi cleared his throat.  
  
"Darker than the brink of death  
  
This shadow in my heart.  
  
Not lover's touch, not sweet caress  
  
Does shift its cold embrace.  
  
My heart does yearn and feelings burn  
  
Just like the dragon's flame."  
  
Hiei blinked, what was up with him? This was so unlike the usually happy...often disgustingly happy...Shinobi no Kaze. He moved forward in line another six inches as he watched.  
  
"So the heat and cold collide  
  
And we're left with..."  
  
Jin paused, picking up a bottle of water and taking a large drink. A very large drink. People began shifting uncomfortably. His cheek bulging with water, Jin looked at his audience before spraying them with his drink.  
  
"A rainstorm!"  
  
Cackling maniacally, he swiftly left the coffee shop before anyone could even really gather what had happened. Hiei sweatdropped and shook his head. Ok, maybe nothing changed.  
  
End Chapter 1  
  
A/N: Yeah, Jin wasn't too OOC and Hiei's chapter was shorter but I just couldn't drag it out any further than that. R&R Let me know what you'd like to see! 


	2. Kuwabara and Kurama

Disclaimer: Still dun own anything. I wanna own Jin dernit He'd be fun to have around the house!! Ahem...anyways. ;)  
  
Genre: Humor, TWT  
  
Warnings: I can't warn you. It would ruin everything! Though Kuwabara fans (yes, all three of you) can blame Shrek 2 for his part.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Part 1 – Kuwabara  
  
"Hhhhmmm," Jin sighed contentedly as he floated among the low clouds. Ningenkai wasn't half bad, really. Even on overcast days like this it beat the hell out of the Makai. The red headed wind master dropped out of the sky in the middle of a park. He was no longer dressed in his shinobi clothing, or his little black number from the coffee house. Ahh, the coffee house. Now that was fun! He grinned and ruffled his already disheveled hair to cover his horn as he set off at a leisurely pace. Outside of the glimpse he'd had of Hiei, Jin hadn't run into any of the Reikai Tantei. Pity that. It would be fun to see them again. Especially Yusuke.  
  
His grin grew at the glances and giggles he got from some of the groups of girls he'd passed. Hands behind his head, Jin stared absently at the clouds passing overhead. Too bad Touya didn't want to come along. The short ice master was so sour. He really did need to lighten up. So lost in though was our kawaii horned shinobi, that he didn't notice the figure stepping out of a store carrying a very stuffed bag. The two collided, the stuffed bag spraying its contents all over the sidewalk. "Sorry 'bout that." Jin rubbed his head and looked at who he'd run into. He was surprised to see a familiar high cheek-boned face. Kuwabara was so distracted that it took a moment for Jin's presence to register. "Oh, um, hi. No, it's okay." The carrot top was busily trying to stuff the items that were spread about the sidewalk back into their bag before anyone noticed. And he was doing a good job...except for one thing. One of the frilly items was currently hanging from Jin's horn. Said horned one was currently removing and examining it. It was the laciest, frilliest piece of ladies' undergarments that ever existed. Kuwabara's face was beginning to turn a shade close to that of Jin's hair while he sputtered incoherently.  
  
"T-t-t-that's not mine! These are for my sister! She's sick at home and made me go get them for her..." The lame excuses trailed off when he noticed Jin staring at his backside. "What?!" His hands flew to cover himself as he glared, redfaced, at the wind master. "Your sister's are they?" Jin pointed at the waistband of Kuwabara's pants. "Then what's that?" Sticking up at the back of the bad Elvis impersonator's pants was an incriminating two square inches of fabric with a few strings attached. The dreaded t-bar. Kuwabara gripped his bagful of feminine unmentionables and ran like his chain smoking sister was about to open a can of Shizuru style whoop ass on him, leaving Jin staring after him, still holding the pair of panties.  
  
Part 2 – Kurama  
  
"D-dammit!" Kuwabara grumbled as he walked. It had been two weeks now since the panty incident. Jin had mercifully returned to the Makai without telling anyone about his little 'hobby'. Though just because he'd been found out didn't mean he'd stopped. There was still a stash of frilly, Victoria's Secret items in the crawl space in his closet. 'Closet,' he thought with disgust, 'everyone would think I'm gay if they knew.' That train of thought was cut off sharply. Kuwabara found himself deep within the woods that surrounded the park. The area was fairly familiar; it was where Kurama usually went to train.  
  
It was almost dead quit, with only the occasional bit of bird song interrupting the silence. An uneasy feeling crept over him as he tried to remember which way led back to the park proper. Kuwabara always had a feeling that some deadly Makai plant would attack him at any moment, even though he knew Kurama would never allow such a plant in a public place like this. It still creeped him out, though. As he walled in what he hoped was the right direction, Mr. I'm So Macho and No I DON'T Wear Ladies Underpants kept his senses on alert. Not well enough, it seemed. He walked around a particularly large tree and all but tripped over Kurama. The redhead was crouched over a container on the ground. "Kuwabara-kun!" Kurama jumped up, tipping the container over in his haste. "What are you doing here?" Kuwabara was busy staring at the blue liquid that was spreading over the ground and the familiar yellow and black-labeled green container next to the one that was on its side. "You use Miracle Grow?" Our youko in ningen guise was looking extremely uncomfortable. "I was...trying to see what effect ningen fertilizers would have on Makai plants." Yeah, that's it. Smart boy. He hoped Kuwabara would buy his story.  
  
"But why? Your powers can do more than this stuff can." Carrot Top's distant relative crouched and picked up the plant food. The container was almost empty, which must mean something. The little hamster on it's spinning wheel inside his head was running flat out. "Yes, but I was...bored. So I decided to experiment." The hamster tripped. "I guess that makes sense. Yeah." Kurama sighed inwardly, 'Safe!' Kuwabara set the container back on the ground. "Um, how do I get out of here?" A slightly dirt smeared hand pointed, "That way." Nodding his thanks, Kuwabara headed back towards the park.  
  
A/N: Ha ha! I managed to finish chapter 2! I'm so proud of myself. Though I don't think anyone's even reading this story. Throw me a review...please? ::big sad eyes:: 


	3. Touya and Karasu

Ahh, welcome back those of you who didn't go blind from the Kuwabara panty incident ;) Not to worry, his little problem shouldn't come up again. I hope.  
  
Disclaimer: I own this bag of Doritos...but alas, I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Warnings: Kuwabara in panties again!! No, just kidding. Wait! Come back! Touya's strange little kleptomaniac ways and a seriously messed up Karasu and his ::coughs:: toys...  
  
This chapter kicks off the 'Makai Arc' of my story. I'm going to go through most of the demons in the next couple of chapters, since it's easiest to cover them in the Makai. Let me know what characters you want to see. My seven-year-old sister came up with the pet name 'Ice Birdie' while I was using Touya to kick her butt in Yu Yu Hakusho Tokubenhuten...or how ever you spell it.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Part 1 – Touya  
  
Kurama walked idly along the aisle, basket in hand. It was his turn to make dinner tonight and he was at the store picking up ingredients. Spaghetti tonight. He just wasn't really in the mood for anything more complicated than that. Finishing his shopping, Kurama began the fairly short walk home. It was a pleasant day with spring slowly melting into summer. The fox smiled with the simple pleasure of the warm sunshine on his face. A block away from his house a sudden chill ran over his body. It was like being plunged into the depths of December. The accompanying ki signature was startlingly familiar. It only took a moment for Kurama to pinpoint the source of the cold. He peered over the thick hedge that served as a barrier between the outside world and the manicured lawn of the old neighbor lady. There, crouched in the shadow of a large sakura tree, was a short, blue- haired figure. Touya?  
  
The Ice Birdie had an extremely large sack slung over his shoulder, making him look like some odd relative of Santa Claus. He was busily stuffing a lumpy looking object into said sack. A faint mutter of,"My army is almost complete!" reached the bushes that concealed Kurama. Touya stood, a look of manic glee on his petite features that turned to anger as the sack ripped and spilled his hard earned spoils al over the yard. The sack had been filled with garden gnomes. Ranging from the typical, red hat wearing David the Gnome types, to the ones that looked like over sized, illegitimate wishing troll offspring. "My minions!" The sexy voiced (mmmmm, lovely deep voice hehe) ice demon cried. Kurama ducked down behind the shrubbery and decided that it was best to not get involved. Besides, he had to go home and make dinner.  
  
Part 2 – Karasu  
  
Touya beamed proudly at the row upon row of gnomes that spread out before him. Jin's idea about an army of ningen garden gnomes was actually pretty good. He'd have to thank the Shinobi no Kaze later. In the meantime, Ice Birdie had to get his hands on the lightning rods. Those were always needed to breathe life into the inanimate. At least, that's what Jin had told him. 'Where to get lightning rods...?' He meandered through the streets of a random Makai town, keeping his eyes open for something that would suit his purposes. They instead fell on a figure that was being given a wide berth by the rest of the bustling crowd.  
  
Seated on a crate near the entrance to an alleyway was Karasu. He was holding a pair of Barbie dolls (where in the worlds did he get those, anyway?), one black haired, the other looking like it had been dunked head first in a cup of cherry kool-aid and left for a couple of days. Both looked like their breasts had been melted, sliced, or otherwise removed. Upon closer inspection, they were suddenly very familiar. The black haired one had a bit of tinfoil over the lower half of its face and was dressed in black. The red haired one was dressed in white pants and a long, yellow Chinese style shirt. They were homemade Karasu and Kurama dolls! The raven- haired, ultimate-sadist was waving them around as they 'talked'. Touya's curiosity won out over the urge to run screaming like a little girl from the scary man. He went around the block and up the opposite end of the alley. The creepy crow guy was so engrossed in his 'playing' that he failed to notice the figure standing behind him.  
  
"Oh, Karasu! You're just so sexy! I think I'll leave Hiei and run away with you!" At this Karasu threw another doll, obviously not nearly as lovingly made, against the wall. It was a simple, almost voodoo doll, likeness of the aforementioned Jaganashi. "I knew you would not be able to resist me!" Karasu made kissy noises and bumped the dolls faces together a few times. "Now, time for your beating!" Amidst the severe smacking the Karasu-Barbie was giving the Kurama-Barbie, Karasu was saying very explicit phrases that should never be repeated by anyone. Touya turned very green about the gills. Or would have, if ice demons had gills. He slowly backed away, lest the crazed crow finally take notice of him. 'Umm...yeah. Lightning rods. Gotta go get those lightning rods...'

* * *

::points:: See? Requests are dealt with pretty quickly...I guess. At least they show up in the next chapter. Aren't I nice? Though keep in mind the format I'm working in (if ya can figure it out...so far its confused the daylights out of people I've told. Or maybe they're just not that bright). It was hard enough figuring out a way to have Touya run into Karasu. And Yusuke is going to be the very last character, no matter what, while characters that have already been used may simply have small cameo roles later on if I feel like it. ::avidly awaits the release of PoA:: Yay for Harry Potter...well, maybe not him. Umm, yay for Lupin and Sirius!! Yay for Dementors! 


	4. Shishi,Suzuki and Chuu

Compromising Situations  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, so quit buggin' me about it already.  
  
Warnings: Karasu prancing and doing bad Gollum impressions, and Jello!!! Go Jello!  
  
Author's Note: I decided to do two characters at once in part one because the idea was really funny. And things are getting a bit stranger, characters are running into each other face to face a bit more now.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Part 1 - Shishiwakamaru & Suzuki  
  
Super-sadist crow man, aka Karasu, pranced along hugging his Kurama-Barbie. While it wasn't nearly the same as having the real thing to love and caress and beat upon, it was a close second. He had long since left his little play area near the alleyway and was headed off to plot a way to get his hands on the real Kurama. "Yesss, my precious..." Karasu purred as he stroked the doll's hair. A weird squishing noise interrupted his little reverie.  
  
The squishing grew progressively louder. Loud enough to actually distract crow man from his 'toy'. Muffled shouts accompanied the noises as he drew nearer to their source. Kurama-Barbie clutched tightly in one hand, Karasu finally traced the sounds to their source. In the middle of a small clearing was something like a cross between the demon tournament rings and what you would find at any ningen boxing arena.  
  
"Dammit Shishi! Show some respect to my beautiful face!" An angry yell sounded from the ring. "Then quit pulling my hair, Suzuki!" A loud splatting noise could be heard across the clearing where Karasu stood, a look of mild surprise on the parts of his face not covered by his mask. And, truly, the scene before him was one to cause surprise in just about anyone.  
  
"It's 'Beautiful' Suzuki!!" Another splat sounded as a large pinkish blob was hurled by the blond demon towards Dear Little Death Death. The watermelon flavored squishy substance connected with the longhaired demon's shoulder as he charged. "Oh yeah? Beautiful this!" With that, the one bishi tackled the other (more egotistical) bishi into the pink jello that filled the ring. (Much to the cheers of the fangirls hiding in the woods) "Ouch! Stop it! I broke a nail!" Shishiwakamaru sat back on his heels, still straddling the demon battler. "Sorry..." He didn't sound all that apologetic, "I'll let you braid my hair later." This seemed to cheer Suzuki up considerably. "Goody!" And with that, he threw off the unsuspecting Shishi and proceeded to hurl more pink jello at him.  
  
Eyes the size of saucers, Karasu toddled away from the disturbing scene. What do you know? There's something that can frighten the psychopath! Hugging Kurama-Barbie for comfort, the uber-sadist began muttering, "Don't let the jello men get me mommy..."  
  
Part 2 – Chuu  
  
Suzuki and Shishiwakamaru sat at the bar in the random Makai Inn, little foofy fancy drinks set before them. "I still smell like watermelon, Shishi!" The blue haired bishi demon sighed. "You're the one who thought up that idea and you picked out the flavor." He wrinkled his nose at the demon that seated himself next to them. "And it's better than what some of these riff raff smell like." The demon next to him heard the verbal jab and turned to find himself face to face with a pair of, lets all admit it, very pretty guys. Before said demon could do anything, though, he found himself flat on the floor and his chair occupied by a much shorter youkai.  
  
"Hey! I was sittin' there!" This got the angry demon a large yo-yo to his already malformed nose. "Lea'mealone..." Suzuki and Shishi exchanged glances. What was Rinku doing in a bar? He never set foot in them unless dragged along by Chuu. The boy-demon had somehow managed to secure himself a bottle of strong liquor and was already beginning to chug it. "Rinku! What are you doing?" Dear Little Death Death quickly snagged the bottle out of the yo-yo wielder's hands. "Hey...give that back!" The boy looked from Suzuki to Shishi before bursting into tears. "What's wrong?" Beautiful I-Still-Smell-Like- Watermelon asked. Neither of them had seen the kid this upset. And he usually had something to be upset about, since he was stuck with a mowhawked drunkard. But Chuu had, through some miracle of some sort, stopped drinking. Rinku had been elated, since that had meant more money for him to buy yo-yos with.  
  
"H-he's got a new _thing_ now!" His small audience made the correct assumption in thinking he meant a replacement for alcohol. But what could he be doing now that was so bad? As if in answer to that unspoken question, a loud familiar voice blared from the doorway. "Oi! Rinku! I thought you were gonna help me today!" The two bishi turned towards the Inn's entrance to see, perhaps, what had disturbed the boy enough to drive him to drink. Chuu looked normal enough, though he didn't wobble like he used to. What was wrong? Things seemed just fine...Suzuki screamed. Shishiwakamaru fainted. Nestled in the tall youkai's arms were three fluffy pink poodles and he had a set of brightly colored rings in one hand. "I don't _wanna_ train the doggies!!" wailed Rinku.  
  
A/N: ::dying of laughter:: Jello wrestling! Woohoo! Don't ask me where it came from, even I don't know! But really...Shishi (hmmm...Dear Little Death Death) and Suzuki playing in watermelon jello, it's not all bad. The Chuu part is just weird. I don't think it's very funny. But maybe I'll cover the fate of the evil poodles later. I really don't like poodles. But who does? ::goes to work on a new fic...something almost serious!:: 


	5. Sniper and the Toguros

Compromising Situations 

Disclaimer: I was a little kid when this series came out. Of course I own it! Not...

Warnings: Horrible...horrible mental images

Chapter 5

Part 1 – Sniper

Chuu browsed the neatly lined rows of cages in the ningen pet shop. His last set of poodles had vanished, just like the other ones he had brought to the bar while seeking out his yo-yo wielding former teammate. Something was beginning to percolate through his alcohol soaked brain cells concerning the matter. Since the disappearance of the last set, he'd gone back to drinking. But for now, he needed a Fluffy, Muffy, and Buffy the III. And a new bottle of sake. Hm, sake. The mohawked fighter decided the poodles could wait, sake was more important.

Using his uncanny ability to find alcohol in any setting, Chuu made top speed from the pet shop to the nearest liquor store. Within minutes he was happily swaying down the street, leaving behind a very frightened shopkeeper still huddled in a corner of the store. More interested in chugging down his drink than in paying attention to such trivial things as where he was walking, Chuu nearly plowed into a small group of people watching some sort of street performer. Ignoring the dirty looks a few older ladies shot him; the former Rokuyoukai member blinked his mildly unfocused eyes at the figure that stood in front of the semicircle of onlookers.

Clad in almost embarrassingly snug looking black apparel was someone that would have been familiar to many, if he wasn't currently wearing more white face paint than a score of goth kids. Hagiri Kaname's usually expressionless face was twisting into slightly sickeningly cheerful looking expressions as he recreated some of Marcel Marso's best (if you can call anything done by a mime such a thing) material.

Part 2 – The Toguros

Sniper eyed the little bins near the cash register. He was all out of dice and was having a hard time picking out some new ones. 'Hmmm, plain white, or maybe the translucent colored ones...' Never mind that anything lying around would make for decent ammo, Hagiri just liked using little novelty things like dice and marbles. He was distracted from his ammunition shopping by the small crowd gathered around one of the tables reserved for customers to play trading card games at. Each and every person at the table looked a tad green about the gills.

A deep voice intoned, "I play Dark Magician in attack mode!" A pathetic whimper escaped the other side of the table. Sniper slipped past the surrounding people to see what all the commotion was about. He knew he would regret it for the rest of his life. Seated across from a rather scared looking young boy was a picture from life's other side. The side that likes to kick clowns off of freeway over passes...which isn't necessarily a bad thing...and listen to polka music backwards to hear the subliminal messages.

Wearing a spiky wig and an outfit that put a person in mind of schoolboy bondage manga, all dark colors with chains and shackles, was the younger Toguro. While such a sight was enough to make even the most twisted of individuals rethink their outlook on life, what stood next to him was the stuff of nightmares. Fighting the urge to run screaming like a little girl from the scene, Sniper observed the way the crowd stood as far as possible from the one standing behind the oversized man turned demon. For standing near his younger sibling was the elder of the Toguro brothers. His usual appearance was horrible and disturbing already, but put that with an overly short skirt, tight sweater, and a set of fake boobs and you get something that should be put out of everyone's misery. The Tea/Anzu costume made his brother's Yugi outfit look almost good.

"I-I resign..." The boy across the table scooped up his cards with no regard for whether or not they suffered any damage in his fervor to get away from the creepy pair. Hagiri turned and squeezed out of the circle of bystanders, coming to the decision that perhaps his little stint as a mime wasn't as damning as other things could be.

---

A/N: Yeah, I kinda just cut off Sniper's after the whole 'He's a mime!' thing. I simply couldn't think of anything else to do with it after that...and I know nothing about Yugioh outside of the god-awful dub on TV. This chapter basically sucks. Ah well. But, anyways, now that I've gotten my writing computer up and running again, things have settled back down at work, and I've gotten over a couple bouts of depression, I can get back to writing. I should hopefully be getting out new chapters for my more popular stories within the next month or so. I can't guarantee that they'll be any good though.


End file.
